Following on from my last post, I am increasingly more flummoxed by local changes. my new phrases are ‘since when did…’ ‘what IS that’, and I am still at the gawping stage when out. a chance meeting with a deranged nanny announcing to me she had been accused of hitting her charges, did little to dispel fears of a crumbling new society- but nothing a few nights of emergency whale music didn’t sort.
today I was introduced to the concept of the yellow painted grid on roads. I had no idea why this simple square should terrify my driving friend so greatly, and told her to ‘drive over it, do itttt!’ she looked at me with consternation and horror. ‘my picture will get sent to the police, there are cameras around!’
I asked what on earth (polite version) with all this Orwellian stuff now, why on earth couldn’t she simply turn right like a normal person. she shook her head sadly and my mother snorted with disbelief at another example of my ignorance.
during this enforced detour, we passed what looked like strange phone booths, but were actually cash points. standing alone, in a peculiar looking island.
‘since when did they…’
‘shut UP!!’ mother and friend chorused.
on relating this to my partner, he assured me that the progress of this kind was far slower in Norwich, where he comes from. one day I would like to take up residence there. but how the heck am I going to ready myself to be the ideal modern citizen, this is going to be a long old haul. what if I embarrass him with some sort of modern day faux pas, the self-scan debacles were shaming enough. ‘don’t lift the bag off the thing yet- too late!!’
common or garden exchanges with people are still a bit on the 1950s BBC newsreader side, just in case my previous ‘net-ness’ inexplicably shows through (lots of lols, abbreviations and the like.)
why this should do I have no idea, but it’s led me to speak with exaggerated diction to compensate. ‘he-llooow.’ ‘how ARE you?’ ‘fanTASTic.’ I sound like a prat. but I have not yet found a happy medium between that and the online grunting vocal extension, so it’s a bit of a mishmash. remembering to smile is tricky, so I beam a bit too much in order to reassure others that I come in peace. this is either met with suspicion or reciprocated beaming, but I look forward to the time when all this stuff comes naturally again:)